Friday, July 25, 2008



Since the past few months I am in Russia I am glad to say that I have change a lot and I learnt a lot of things that I have missed during my past. I was not aware of the things around me that had drown me to the dreadful life before. Here, all the sisters took care of me I mean as in, they lead me to the right way..They didn’t force me to wear ‘HIJAB’ a.k.a tudung but they guide me to be a better person. They open up my heart and always reminded me that Allah has always knock our heart and tried to change us,but in the end everything is based on our ownself and belief. Everything starts from our own aqidah which leads to our iman.

We have usrah almost everyweek, tadabbur al-Quran, tazkirah and in fact ceramah. I am glad I was delighted to join. Not to say that during my school days I didn’t attend these kind of event. But it doesn’t seems to work for me because maybe I just don’t understand the true meaning of aqidah, iman and my beautiful Islam. Or maybe I was the one who didn’t even seems to care at all. Honestly,during my jahiliyah days in fact I still live with some of it now,i am not embarrassed to admit that because I am aware of it. I guess I was just holding the title islam in my IC n my name as a muslim which I don’t think I truly understand about it entirely. I pray 5 times in a day but I guess I don’t really go through and understand about it. Why do we have to pray? Ask yourself…

I keep on realizing that the things that I did in the past didn’t bring any benefits to me at all.. I dress up gorgeously outside,couple,holding hands and so on. What benefit do I got there? None? And for who am I dressing up for? The people out there is not even my husband and as a muslim,we all do know, "wanita solehah is meant for suami yang soleh" and what we have is only meant to be seen by our husband. We are too precious to be sold n to be shown too. This world is not my eternity. I have another world I have to go through. The world after the death of all slavers of Allah ,the day of JUDGEMENT..Kiamat..That is the world of eternity which meant I’m gonna be there forever. All my deeds will be counted to enable me to enter the precious Heaven or the burning hell.

But why in the world now people are all running for money,running for hot girls,running for position? Running to be the HOTTEST girl in town? But why none of us running for Allah? Why didn’t we search for Him? He is our Creator our lover,our God?? The question is WHY?? When I realize this I felt that how awful and how disgraced I was towards my religion. How terrible had I acted as a muslim. How I just realize that now. I’m beginning to question myself so many times. But everything needs changes right? I mean from bad to good ,to something good to even better.

Hey, I do know changes is the hardest thing to do in each and everyone of us because changes needs courage. That’s what I’m lack of now. I really need some support cause I’m not strong enough to pull myself to go through all this. This time I just noticed that it’s the people you mingle with will give a big impact to your life . Syukur alhamdulillah Allah had fated me to be with all the people who really loves and cares for me.

But that doesn’t mean we have to left or ignored our brothers or sisters who are still ‘blind’ about islam. I assume everyone knows that Islam teaches us not to left even one of our FAMILY members behind in what ever condition or situation it is. When I’m mentioning the word ‘family’ it means not only our ‘pure-blooded’ family, but our muslims brothers n sisters in the whole wide world. So you see, what I’m trying to stress out here is, when you see a muslim or someone that you know that pretty well, looks totally lost or drown to their own world. Just take a step and approach them,they need your help to guide them . Pull them together with you since all of us are depending on the same ‘rope’ which leads to Allah s.w.t.

I’ve been in this position before and I was one of them who’d lost the way,my heart was totally empty and rotten. Emptiness inside me was never been filled before until the day I was guided by the people here. Everyone who had made sins in the past doesn’t mean they don’t deserve a second chance. And doesn’t mean they deserve to be left out. Here, I’m shouting out to the people who are just like me,to make them realize that they can still change to be somebody better, although changes needs time but remember time doesn’t wait.

Come and pond a long brothers and sisters,what are we doing staring at the ceiling just thinking about our future? What if we died now? A few minutes later? Or tomorrow? We just don’t know we are able to live longer or not. When we think about our future,at the same time, think about our deeds. Is it enough for us to enter the extremely gorgeous and magnificent heaven? Think of it. It's still not to late to change. Hopefully all of us would be in the crowd who are blessed and be loved by al-mighty Allah s.wt. Insyaallah~


Friday, July 11, 2008

culture shock !!

finally it had been 2 weeks in INTI..1st time being here, i was very shocked..because theres a lot of chinese students..and this environment was differ from UM students r allow 2 wear casually..besides, the timetable was unpacked..
mmm,but..i learnt many new things...i met new friends who come from different religions and backgrounds..

unfrortunately, my room is at the top floor of the last block of our hostel which is takes about 15 minutes to go to my class..i really need to wake up early in the morning..but in positive side, walking all over to class is one of the exercise to make our body, never mind la..

about the subjects!!! as a AUP student, SAT and TOEFL are compulsory for all because they are the requirement for entering US's university..other subjects that i studied were ENG101, MAT132, CSC101, SOC103..wah 1st time in my life i do learn about sosiology..what's that??

JPA put a level to allow us to fly to US later..1400/2400 in SAT and 2.5 in final exam..but i should put higher level for myself..>3.5 in final exam and >1800 in SAT..can i manage to acheive that level??!! hurmmm..i should believe in myself..chiok bell!!!